| Finalllllyy! |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|10:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gackt - White Eyes | ] |
Work called yesterday to tell me that my layoff would last at least one more week.
Today, they called, and asked, rather apologetically, if I could work Afternoons, on the bending lines.
The bending lines are actually my favorite machines to run. Afternoon Shift is my least favorite shift, but it certainly beats the pants off the 'lay off' shift. |
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| Square Pegs, Round Holes |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gackt - NINE SPIRAL | ] |
A friend and I are both going through something of a transition. I believe both of us are beginning to feel that we have out grown something. Though, in my case, I have felt for a long time that I had largely outgrown this thing. I believed that I could remain peripherally involved with it. However, I have to realize lately that even that much involvement might be too much for me.
I tend to view my life, and the various aspects of myself, as an intricate puzzle. The pieces change, and move, but not all at the same time, or same rate. I can, to a certain degree, direct these changes. Though, some of the changes I have little to no control over.
I strive always to create the me I want to be.
I have come to realize recently that there is one significant obstacle to creating the me I envision becoming. There is something in my life that I greatly enjoy, but at the same time, I find it distasteful. I find it distasteful because it, for a brief period, makes me something almost completely other than what I want to be.
I want to master myself. I want a degree of self-restraint, and self-control that I am not entirely certain is even possible. However, there is something that seems to almost completely strip my self control. It is insidious in the way it influences my choices, and actions. For brief periods it takes over almost completely. Other times, it acts as a more subtle influence.
It is, however, a natural, and important part of myself. I do enjoy it. It is only distasteful to me because I do not have complete control of it. Even my rage, something which has haunted me most of my life is under better control.
Now that I have written this post, hopefully, I will have gotten these thought out of my head, so I can sleep. |
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| I Think I Have A Brain Worm |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gomez - See The World | ] |
An ear worm is a song that you just can't get out of your head. So, would someone's advise that you just can't get out of your head be a brain worm?
Its been months since I have been able to train at my dojo. However, my Sensei's advise about nutrition only seems to be taking a stronger hold. For a long time, I have been careful about buying too much junk food. Actually, there are certain types of junk food, I simply no longer buy, like chocolate bars, and stuff.
Today, I went to go buy some peeled baby carrots for my salads. I also planned to buy some popcorn, cookies, or chips.
Instead, I bought a big bag of unpeeled carrots. I'm going to use some in my salads, and snack on the rest. It cost slightly more than I would have spent on the baby carrots, but I got a lot more. Plus, they will probably stay fresher longer.
I also have my car back. The repairs cost much less than I had expected. I still have to pay my Dad back, but it will be a lot easier. |
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| Not A Lazy Day |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fight For Justice from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
I ended up spending about 2 hours pulling thistles out of a Church garden today. I was helping out my Dad. This was partly to repay him for fixing my car, and partly because I was bored.
The garden desperately needed it. The thistles were so large that at first glace, I thought they were part of the garden's plan. My Dad and I radically reshaped one of the flower beds. When we started it was roughly triangular, with the ground as the base of the triangle. When we finished the garden more resembled a low rectangle.
After that, I headed over to my dad's place, and did my laundry.
I didn't get out for my daily walk/jog today, but I will be doing some push ups, sit ups, and squats later. I have gotten back into the habit of doing those in the morning, and at night. My original goal was to go for 50 of each when I do them. I have decided instead to go for 100 of each when I do them. It will take a couple of months, at least, to reach that point. |
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| Murphy's Monday Strikes Again |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|01:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Psychic Lover - Samurai Sentai Shinkenger(Live) | ] |
There is a problem with the hot water in my apartment building. The pressure in the pipes is inconsistent. I hope work is being done one teh water heater. Otherwise, the fact that some times I turn on my taps, and get no water, while at other times I can hear the pipes groaning loudly is a serious problem.
I was going to bike over to weed the flower beds at my parent's church today, but my back tire blew out. |
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| Today Was Officially A Lazy Day |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|07:58 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Individual System from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
I only went for one walk today, and it was a slow 30 minute walk. I decided to explore a road near where I live. I was just curious if it went where I thought it did.
I spent time with my Mother, and Grandfather. Its always good to visit with my family. Though, for some reason by the time I got home I was very tired, and worn out. I think part of that was because of a very poor night's sleep last night.
Saturday, Lexx dropped by. It was really good to see him, and hang out for awhile.
I spent some time thinking about my future plans, and where my life is going. I didn't make any big decisions. I just wanted to take some time to think about my goals.
I also found myself pining a little for some lost friendships.
I don't really have anything to say with this post. I just wanted to post something. |
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| Writer's Block: Dog Day Afternoon |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|08:06 pm] |
Train, especially if its hot and humid. Humidity tires me out very fast. Actually, its so bad that I usually say it wipes me out. I prefer wearing a heavy weight cotton gi. When its humid, my gi probably gains about 5 extra pounds just from my sweat during a good workout. The summer is the best time for me to train my endurance, and fighting spirit.
When its cold, its easier for me to train for longer periods of time. That makes teh winter the best time overall to train my technique.
Though, summer or winter, I always try to improve my technique. |
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| What I Am Looking For |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Psychic Lover - Samurai Sentai Shinkenger(Live) | ] |
I am looking to be part of a group that truly understands the meaning of humility, and respect. I want to be with people who understand what these values really represent, and how they make lives better. |
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| Something I Rarely Do |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|11:55 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Mark Snow - Millennium Pilot Episode M13 | ] |
I always try to focus on the positive, rather than dwell on the negative. This, usually, results in an optimistic outlook, and a generally 'sunny' disposition. However, every once in awhile, I believe it is healthy to give voice to the negative, pessimistic thoughts that also grow in my mind. Today, I will do that.
A couple of years ago a friend of my Dad's died. My Dad learned this when the government called to inform him that he was executor of his friend's will. His friend had died, alone in his apartment. This wasn't discovered until after the neighbours complained about the smell.
I often fear that I am headed for a similar fate. I have very few friends. There's only one friend that I actually ever see in person, and even that is a fair rare occurrence. I suspect that where I to disappear right now, it would be at least a week before anyone noticed.
My physical, and martial arts training have been put on hold. My martial arts training for several months now, and for the last week or so, I have not been able to go to the gym. Next week, I should be able to start going to the gym again, but I can't be certain.
I still have no idea when I am going to be call back to work. I am starting to fear I may never be.
Strangely, I don't feel like a failure. Rather, I am starting to feel 'disconnected'. It feels less like I am living my life than I am watching it happen to someone else. |
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| One Fear I Have About The Lessons |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gackt - Journey through the Decade | ] |
Since I am learning the language from a computer program, I worry that I may be more learning the 'game rules' of the program, rather than the Japanese language itself. I realize it is probably too early to be able to distinguish between the two possibilities.
Though, there are some hopeful signs that lead me to suspect that the program is actually teaching me the language. First, I am learning a number of words, and phrases. Second, Some of the words, and phrases have started to show up in my dreams. When they appear, they are used properly. (Well, at least as best I can remember the dream they are. Then again, with dreams its hard to know for sure.) Finally, the program sometimes changes how certain types of lessons are presented. Even when it 'throws me a curve ball', I am able to, usually, figure out what the answer is supposed to be. This includes when the program prompts me for a spoken response without 'coaching' me on what the response is supposed to be. |
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| Does This Qualify As Lazy? I Feel Lazy |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|06:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Imagin - Double Action Climax Form | ] |
For some reason it feels like it should be much earlier than it actually is. I also feel like I haven't done much today.
All I've done is go for 2 40 minutes walks/jogs, washed my dishes, and cleaned out my bedroom closet. I've also done several Japanese language lessons.
For some reason, I feel like I have wasted the day.
For anyone who might be interested. the Japanese language lessons seem to be going well. Though, right now, I am somewhat more comfortable with spoken Japanese, rather than written. It should be noted that this is very relative. At this point, I'm about 1/12 of the way through my lessons. |
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| When Life Gives You Lemons, Make It Part Of Your Training Routine |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|08:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gackt - NINE SPIRAL | ] |
My car died today, and it really looks like I should get it taken to a shop. Even if it starts running again, I have no idea how long it will last.
Fortunately, its summer, and the weather is great, and I now have no excuse not to ride my bike. I was still driving at least once a day. The lot my car was parked in allows no parking longer than 24 hours. However, my car died near my parent's home. My Dad towed the car into his driveway, and it will sit there for a little while.
I am going to start seriously training for riding my bike to work. The last time I got tried I got about half way to work before turning back. I don't need to be able to ride there and back in one trip, but that is what I am going to aim for.
I figure its going to end up costing around $1000 to get my car back on the road. I need to fix whatever problem is keeping it form starting, replace the driver's seat, and one turn light. I should also get its oil, and filters changed.
I just need two weeks at work to get the money to fix my car.
However, the idea that I am going to be forced to bike to work until I get the car fixed kind of makes me happy. Though, I am at this point still waiting to be called back to work.
Oh, I'm also showing off a new icon. Its one of my favorite secondary Kamen Riders. |
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| The Path - Narrow, But Not Straight |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fight For Justice from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
Last week was a bad week for me. That is something of an understatement. However, it helped to teach me that occasionally backsliding on our chosen path can actually be part of progressing.
The first lesson for me was a reminder that just because I may have overcome a personal obstacle it still exists. It remains as something to be watched for, and guarded against. Out of boredom, and feelings of isolation, I foolishly joined a furry forum. I did so forgetting why I had learned to avoid such things. The lesson has, once again, been impressed upon me.
I was also had to once again be reminded of the importance of diet, and consistency of training, to not only my physical, but mental health. My personal stress levels skyrocketed last week. Without proper nutrition to support my body, or consistent training to allow me to 'burn off' the stress, I became something of a wreck. I couldn't sleep, and I lost my 'calm centre'. I couldn't focus, and I couldn't keep things in proper perspective.
So, this week, I pick myself up and dust myself off, and with renewed determination, I set out again on my path. |
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| I Knew The Job Was Dangerous When I Took It |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|04:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Nicolaus Esterhazy Sinfonia - Symphony No. 3 in E-Flat major, Op. 55, "Eroica" | ] |
I just got a call from work. The call was supposed to come tomorrow.
Basically, they called to tell me they probably will not be calling me in next week. They might call me in the week after that, but they can't say for sure. No matter what, though, they will call me again by July 3rd.
I'm not sure if I should contact the temp agency about this. Do I call and tell them there might be a change in my availability, but right now its just a possibility?
This is getting so ridiculously frustrating that it is starting to make me laugh. |
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| Its Time To Pray |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Your Message from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
The last couple of days I have been pondering my social isolation. I realize that it is largely self-imposed. Quite simply, I could have more friends, and I could spend more time hanging out, both online, and in person. However, I choose not to. I am very, very selective, and picky about whom I spend my time with.
I have very high personal standards for the type of person I will allow into my life. They must have a high degree of intelligence, and personal integrity. Above all, they must be someone who is sincerely open-minded, and willing to attempt to listen to and understand other points of view. This combination is exceedingly rare.
The Bible, Confucius, Lao Tzu, Socrates, Buddha, and virtually all other great religious, spiritual, and philosophical agree that you should be very careful about the kind of people you surround yourself with. The people in my life do affect me. They change me, and I change them. Depending on the person those changes can be positive or negative. They can aid in my person, and spiritual growth, or they can cause me to wither.
Were I to give my life entirely to God, I have no doubt that I would join a monastic community. I think it very likely it would be a contemplative community.
At times like this I find myself thinking about the people I most wish were a regular part of my life. They are all very spiritual people. (Though, one of them I doubt realizes the depth, or keenness of his spiritual insights.)
Over the last week or so, I once again felt the stirring of my faith. No matter where, or how I have strayed, my faith in God has always remained. It may only been embers laying dormant, but it was there.
Again the time has come to express my faith, and live it in a very real way. It is time I gave it a proper place in my life. I am unsure just how best to do that.
The time has come, once again to pray. Pray, and listening quietly to teh voice I know is calling me forward. |
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| Pantheris Malakim : Guardian Angel |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|11:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fight For Justice from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
I live in the basement of my apartment building. My windows are all sunken below street level with a grate covering the access to the outside of my windows.
Twice within the last month a small animal has fallen through the grate, and been unable to escape. Both times, I have managed to rescue the trapped animal.
The first was a squirrel that was too stupid to climb out using the poles I left for it. I finally had to reach in with a milk crate, and scoop it out.
This morning a gosling feel in. Being only a few weeks old, at most, it was unable to fly out. It was also too small for me to scoop out using a milk crate. I could catch it in the crate, but it just wriggled out the holes in the bottom to escape. I had to take a small cardboard box, and cut the top flaps off. I was able to get the gosling out without actually touching it. (I have heard that small birds that have been handled by humans will be abandoned by their parents, if the parents are wild. I don't know if this is true or not, but I didn't want to take the chance.)
I carried the box, and the gosling down to the lake near my apartment and let it free. I know there is a sizable flock of geese that live there. With any luck, the gosling shoudl be able ot find it's parents, or another goose to adopt it. |
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| Disappointment From The Weekend |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | predatory | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Usher Featureing Lil Jon & Ludacris - Yeah! | ] |
I did take in a couple of games of Magic the Gathering at the local comic store. I sort of enjoyed myself. However, I was very strongly reminded why I had stopped playing Magic in the first place.
More often than not, the game goes to whoever has spent the most money on cards. This violates a fundamental principle of gaming for me. Games should put the players on a level playing field. The victor should be the best, cleverest, most daring, or perhaps the most cunning player. To put it simply, skill should be the determining factor.
Games like Magic, or Mao(sp?) that assure there is no level playing field actually kind of offend me. Offend may be a bit strong but is essentially correct. I could play Magic with someone else who also has just a starter deck. Then, we could be reasonably certain that neither of us would have an edge simply because of owning some rare, powerful cards.
Games, like Risk, that rely to heavily on luck to determine the outcome just don't really hold my attention. I can enjoy playing them, if I enjoy the company of the people I am playing with. However, I derive little actual enjoyment from the game itself.
I really miss gaming. Gaming has always been, and I think always will be a passion of mine. It gives me a way to test myself against another person. For me, there is nothing like the thrill I get from seeing a desperate, cornered opponent facing certain defeat suddenly come up with some brilliant tactic that completely turns the game around. The next greatest joy for me is beating some opponent who has fought me tooth, and nail the entire game. |
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| Continuing from Last Week's Success |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|10:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fight For Justice from Kamen Rider Kiva | ] |
I'm not 'retreating form the world' again, but I am going to try to build on what I did last week. Last week, I managed to get my priorities straightened out, and started working towards my goals again.
This week, I am going to try to get my diet, and sleeping habits back to where they should be. This will mean getting up earlier, and possibly going to bed earlier as well.
I'm also going to try focusing more on the things that actually benefit me. There are a number of things that I spend time on, that really only frustrate, and annoy me.
Shortly after I first bought my car, I found that I have almost 2 extra hours each day. Before I owned a car, I had a 3 hour, round trip, commute. Driving, my total commute was about 45 minutes, in bad traffic.
With all the free time, I started assisting at the dojo more often. For more than a month, I was at the dojo 5 nights a week, for at least 2 hours a night.
I felt great. Everyday I left the dojo feeling I had accomplished something. It will be hard to recapture that feeling now. However, I can certainly avoid useless, frustrating things. |
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| Warrior Lesson |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|08:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Survivor - Eye of the Tiger | ] |
I had been planning to attend the open gaming night at the comic shop tonight. However, I ended up getting enthralled watching a couple of episodes 'Deadliest warrior'. ( http://www.spike.com/show/31082?tabId=31138&fxn=getTabMembers ) In a nutshell, the shows pits warriors from different eras against each other to see how is 'best'.
This is done my testing the various weapons available to the warriors. The results of those tests are then entered in a combat simulation program, and 1 000 simulated battles are then run. The warrior with the highest body count at the end of the simulations wins the match up.
I saw the tail end of 'IRA vs Taliban'. The IRA won. The next match up with 'Green Beret vs Spetznaz'. Spetznaz was declared the winner. However, they won by a margin of only 7 kills. Out of 1 000 battles, especially when they were squad level engagements, and not man on man, 7 kills is statistically insignificant. The last one I watched was 'Gladiator vs Apache'. It wasn't even really a contest, since the Gladiator had nothing to match the bow and arrow for range, and accuracy.
One thing stood out while these episodes. During the weapons testing for 'Spetznaz vs Green Beret', the Spetznaz operative 'killed' 3 simulated Green Berets using his side arm, and night vision goggles. In the otherwise, complete darkness he performed these three kills while running through a field. His time was slightly over 17 seconds. A Green Beret operative was next, and as soon as he started I knew he would not repeat the impressive performance of the Spetznaz operative.
The difference was that it was clear from the start the Green Beret was focused on beating the time of 17 seconds. He did this, completing the course in just over 12 seconds. However, only one of his three targets was 'killed'. One received nothing more than a flesh wound, and the other while seriously injured may still have been able to fight. Unfortunately, he had gotten his priorities wrong. If he had focused on kills, rather than speed, he would most likely have done better.
It reminds me of an episode of 'Mantracker'. ( http://www.mantracker.ca/ ) This episode featured a former Marine sniper, and a martial artist. Instead of trying to evade 'Mantracker' was was the goal of the show, the sniper wanted to follow him. Worse yet, he wanted to try to 'mess' with Mantracker by setting a trip wire to knock off Mantracker's hat. In the end, both the sniper, and the martial artist were caught. Largely, because the sniper forgot what his priority should have been.
Life becomes much for difficult, and confusing when we forget our priorities. Remaining focused on our priorities helps ensure success, while forgetting them makes failure a near certainty.
That's what happened to me recently, I forgot what my priorities should have been. |
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| Accomplishment Makes Me Feel Good |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|10:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 'MC' Ryutaros - Cliamx Jump : Gun Form | ] |
I was right. I just needed to be see my efforts producing results. I am doing fairly well in my Japanese language lessons, and I feel world's better.
My creative energies have also returned. I'm feeling much more creative than I have in a couple years. Though, my creativity is expressing itself in a weird way. Sometimes, when I hear the right song, I begin picturing a fight scene that would use that as background music. The song itself, somehow, suggests the number of combatants, weapons used, and hero's weapon.
I am really wishing I had some way to capture what I am seeing in my head. Unfortunately, I lack the skill to even storyboard it.
As a side note, I will be on IMs more often. |
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